Lon's Bloggish Thingy....

Ok, Ok,

This easter week has been hell.

I am really over Hobart and all it represents for me now. It's become a chore to visit.

My mother has decided that she is going to be just like my father, well almost but not quite. Daddy-dearest decided almost 2 years ago that he wants nothing more to do with me, that I am not worth he attention or affection, so we are now limited to sharing some DNA.

My mother on the otherhand, relinqueshes her parental responsibilty, because I don't like her new husband. He treats me in 2 extremes, as either an adult, below his equal, or as a child that he can return at anytime. He has never had any respect for me and wonders why I have none for him. I find his company draining and too much work for the little that comes out of it.

I am now on the basis of seeing my mother for coffee maybe once a fortnight, unable to stay with her, despite the fact that I still have a room there. ALL my belongings were packed and stored in a spare wardrobe, but Phillip deemed it necessary to move my things into the garden shed. For that is the place for things that you don't care about. IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LOCK ON IT!!!! So by the time I get back to Hobart for a long peiod of time, clothes, and bedding that was left there will be mouldy and will serve no furter use. This is the kind of respect I get from him, and mother wonders why I don't have any for him??.....

And yet I am still alive. Mother also has the audacity to tell me she's been seeing someone about her mother/daughter issues, and tells me that 'Dr. ???' thinks that she's stunted my emotional development, so I have the emotional standing of a 13 year old, the age that she and my father split up. She mothered me and then met Phillip, and instead of gradually giving me independence like most parents, she cut the wires and I was alone.

So I have no idea where I stand. I am completely alone, and not having a constant friend that I can turn to, is really hurting. Guess it doesn't help that the constant frind that I once had, but lost of my own fault, is in Launceston, the one place  I thought I could escape the past, and start new. I think I need to talk to him, but kami-sama knows if I can do it. If I was any more of a chicken... But I think I need to end whatever we had. I understand that we could never have what we ahd before, and I don't know if I want that. I know that I miss the friendship, and I miss him, and I miss the contact that we had, well the contact that I had, but that was just me being needy. I think that all I can hope for is polite aquaintances. You know, smile, knod, accept each others existence, it would be nice.

Anyway, I should be over it now... not like we were ever together, dispite the questions......

I'm so lame.....